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AWARDING THE OSCAR by Jon Bastian
Another millenium and another Academy Award show goes flopping by. Que sera, sera...

BIG BROTHER by Paul Rosenblum and Yancey Strickler
Prime Time imitates the worst crap on cable. Why?

FROG'S LEGS AND BEET SALAD
by Daniel J. Barbeau
What's wrong with my hair? Anybody remember The Love Boat?

MCI MEETS MURPHY BROWN - THE DESTRUCTION OF TELEVISION IN THE 21st CENTURY by Yancey Strickler
Whatever happened to daring TV? What's wrong with these kids today? Don't they like sex? Yancey wants to know!

MICHAEL J. FOX HAS NO ELVIS IN HIM
by Daniel J. Barbeau
Danny took a vacation for a couple of months. Plenty of time to get all hyped up like a jackrabbit on ether and spit your intestines at the moon.

MONGOLOID SPACE RAISINS GO BANANAS - CAUGHT ON TAPE!
by Daniel J. Barbeau
The righteous Mr. Barbeau takes a close look at the madness that is Regis, the glory that is Keanu, and the wonder that is Kathie Lee. My goodness.

OF COURSE IT SUCKS, IT'S ONLY TV by Jon Bastian
Or: why the current state of television really doesn't portend the decline and fall of civilization as we know it.

SENSE AND CENSORABILITY by Jon Bastian
Different targets, same stupidity -- church and psychologists up in arms over the Oscars and Wonderland.

TELEVISION & SATAN'S PLAN FOR THE COMMUNIST CHINESE
by Daniel J. Barbeau
Hang onto your nuts! Here we go! (He means "Beer-Nuts")

THE TREND IS TO REPEAT... by Paul Rosenblum
Paul asks the million-dollar question, "Why do we watch?"