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Posted: 01/02/03 Reality Bites 2: The Sequel
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My realization as to why we like these shows so much is because I think we believe that this is what God and other members of Heaven are doing to us down here on earth, and we want to play too. God is just sitting up there in a Heavenly armchair, watching us all, saying, "I can't believe Al Gore was almost elected President!" But I digest (it's a segue way, trust me). Really, I would like to get something off my chest, because in truth I don't really hate these shows, but I would like to point out an interesting trend in the programming of reality that keeps arising.
You know, just because the stomach is this incredible organ that can process most things ingested, doesn't mean we have to. I swallowed a penny once when I was five on a dare, and I can tell you that Abe Lincoln saw more than he bargained for on that unpleasant journey, but I don't go around popping them like little copper treats just because a camera is on me. It seems that every reality show involves consuming some very distasteful item(s), making sure to get a close up, as the person doing the eating gags and heaves up bull testicles or something. Why is this amazing to us? Remember the first time you threw up from drinking too much? In retrospect, it was funny, but never fun or entertaining at the time. Maybe, because it's on TV, there is an assurance that there will be no clean up on the viewer's part? Honestly, all I want to do when I see someone throw up is to, well...throw up. Remember the movie Stand By Me? A "Barf-O-Rama."
And what does this do to the impressionable youth. Remember how cool James Dean looked smoking a cigarette? That's the reason the tobacco companies got their hooks into me. What will the vulnerable youth do now that all the cool reality people on TV are human vomit machines, "tossing cookies" left and right? Instead of having, "blood in the streets, up to my ankles," like Jim Morrison of The Doors sang, we'll have puke in the streets, up to my knees! There'll be a shortage on sawdust and the janitors will revolt. It will be pure madness and smell like the 15th century! I believe the children are our future (because I'm a man of the people) and I think we need PSA's against this outpour of poring out! (I'm so punny, don't you think?)
I would like to go on and on about this, but I'm afraid I've made myself sick from using a number of different variations to describe "blowing chunks." I just think we're better than this. Better that being glued to a TV that has lost story and plot, and just when you think it can't get any worse, it pukes on us! Look for Chris Wood's third installment of Reality Bites, titled: If you can't read this, then I'll write you everyday. Also in the works is an exclusive called: The over use of exclamation points...don't let this happen to you. Or, Don't let this happen to you! Got a problem? Email Us at filmmonthly@hotmail.com |
Real Worlders in Sin City, Survivors in Thailand, and a bachelor with bucks are milking every last drop of the reality TV craze like another phenomenon that swept America not to long ago, know as the Pet Rock. Yes, I know what your thinking, "Chris, you handsome devil, we need these shows!" Well then, therein lies the problem...thinking (I kid because I love).
Picture a lazy Sunday and you're resting your favorite head on the back of an incredibly comfortable recliner chair, while your index finger plays with the channel up, channel down options on the remote control. You pause on MTV and see that there is a Road Rules marathon on. You now know what you're doing for the rest of the day. But then, instead of being enthralled at some of MTV's finest programming - because who's interested in music videos on a music television station anyway - you notice that the theme of this show involves puking and the digestion of some of the most unthinkably, indigestible items to consume. I'm not talking about two day old milk and moldy cheese; I'm talking about cow brains, worms, poop, and maggots.
The stomach acid that is being projected from ones insides damages the throat and disintegrates the teeth, so I can safely say, with no real medical credentials, that avoiding puking whenever possible is a good thing. 
I mean, if you like me, then your six foot one and named Chris. But seriously, it's not like I'm bitter (liar), but I just want to raise the bar (over actor) for TV watchers around the globe to demand better quality TV programming (porn). I stand her alone (loser), willing to sacrifice and withstand pain (cried at the end of Benji), in order to get the type of TV shows that I want!