Lori reaches new heights, or lows as it may be, in her self appointed role of devoted Kevin groupie. We also learn some valuable information, as it seems Lori is a bit of a serial crusher making a dating career out of being the pursuer- not the pursuee. On the surface this news isn't shocking, given the behavior she's exhibited thus far to cool Kevin. The roomies however, seem a bit perplexed that Lori is not pursued more often. Somewhere Catherine Zeta Jones is wondering the same thing.

Mike thinks Rachel isn't all that innocent. On the other hand, he does think that she's all that. It looks like Mike might have to take a number if Kevin has anything to say about it. Yup, the word on the street is that Kevin is actually a little sweet on Rachel. To confuse matters more he also apparently wants a girl back home named Emily. But then again there are two important things to remember. One, we all know Kevin really is the type who likes being pursued as well as keeping his options open. Second, hardly anything said in the Real World house has substance if not mentioned at least a few times. Chances are more likely that Kevin said something about Rachel casually and that's all it took for Bunim and Murray Productions to be all over that.

Lori meanwhile isn't taking any chances. Seeing how Kevin treats Rachel she becomes green with envy. She then has the bright idea that maybe Kevin doesn't know how she feels. Girl, let me tell you something. By this time anyone who has doubts about your feelings about Kevin must have the attention span of say- Mike. Wait, scratch that. Even Mike picked up that vibe.

Kevin announces his feelings towards Lori have "changed" and that he doesn't see a hook up in their near future. Cut to Kevin and Lori dancing suggestively in a club. I think they might have kissed too but the details were sketchy on that. Anyway, Kevin finally is up front with Lori and tells her that while she's no doubt a beautiful girl, but that he really sees her as more of a sister. Lori tells Kevin that it's completely cool that he was so truthful with her and that she respects his honesty.

For most normal people this would be the end of the chase. Especially people who's lives are being taped for the next few months. Not Lori though. At first she says she's fine, then she wonders why he doesn't like her and finally she admits during a phone call that she truly is bummed. Lori herself puts it best when she says, "I'm losing my pride!" Welcome to the land of television exposure- it's already long gone.

On the off chance there might be a bar that Rachel can get into the group does a little scouting. Coral overrules one place insisting that it's a lesbian joint. Note, LES stands for lower East Side, not lesbian. Seems Coral missed out on nightlife during her brief stint as a "model." As Willy Wonka would say, "You lose! Good day sir!" In the best moment of the night, Rachel wonders aloud if she will get in the club. Coral replies, "I don't know honey. I don't rule the world!" Great job Coral! Now take that statement and repeat it to yourself five times every night and a few times throughout the day if necessary too.

Rachel gives in and gets a fake ID. The fake ID is like most and is completely lame, but the bouncer at this particular bar could care less (exposure for the club never hurt either) and lets her in. So Rachel, donning her leather and mascara takes her first steps down the path of destruction.

Inside the club a big black guy approaches Rachel. At first all the roommates are like, "Go Rachel!" "Go Rachel!" but before long Rachel is all, "Go Away!" "Go Away!" This event proves to be quite traumatizing to our young ingenue. I'm quickly learning that when in doubt, you can always gage Rachel's frustration by how high pitched her squeal becomes. It's a tried and true test theory. Try it out for yourself some time.

Finally, we learn the top three things Kevin looks for in a girl. For those of you playing along at home, you might want to jot down a few notes. Kevin's ideal girl doesn't smoke, likes to work out and is "kind of cool with everything." All applicants please compose a 150-300 word essay on why you think you and Kevin are meant to be. The deadline is August 30. Also, be sure to include a head shot and any special talents you may have.

Janet Branagan is a freelance writer and pop culture addict from New Jersey.

Got a problem? Email Michael at onthebox@go.com