Mike, once again, states the obvious, "I think Jisela and Malik are not what they thought they were. When they're together they're not on the same page. I don't know what's going on there." Isn't this the same boy who last week was agreeing that Malik and Jisela were made for each other? It's amazing what a little sun, sand and cornrows can do to a person's perception.

Jisela and Malik head out for some "quality time" together. Meanwhile, we here Malik's take, "She really got freaked out by how other people reacted to us being together, or us being apart...slowly she's treating me different and not telling me why." Jisela reiterates her, "let's just be cool speech" and pauses to make sure Malik's on the same page. Malik says yes, but we all know that this ain't the last verse of that song.

Bobby and Nicole are making breakfast. It's amazing how they manage to make even the simple act of cooking eggs seem like a prelude to sex. Isn't anything sacred anymore? Cut to about the zillionth shot of Rachel looking dazed and confused. This gets me thinking, does that girl EVER look like she hasn't just woken up?! Anyway, Rachel thinks Nicole does anything Bobby says and apparently a very tan Lori agrees. Coral's two cents, "I think Nicole is way, way too over Bobbied for her own good." Nicole makes a mighty ugly omelet and Bobby congratulates her on her first. Ugly omelet aside, do you really mean to tell me she's never cooked eggs before Bobby?

One of the blonde rejects jumps into the pool and ends up flashing some of the crew (sans Jisela) by accident. Mike thinks it's, "awesome." Jisela is busy interviewing Rachel on why Mike chose to bring said blonde, whose name is Vanessa. The jury has decided it's more than a coincidence that Mike chose to bring, "the only girl who had a boob job." He also apparently said, "He really wants to touch her boobs because they are fake and he's never touched fake boobs before." My, my, isn't little Rachel just the gossip queen! Jisela asks Rachel if she thinks this bothers Vanessa. Rachel responds, "I don't know, it's quite possible that Vanessa could be feeling a little like two boobs and not a person." The girls then let out a jolly laugh much like Santa on Christmas Eve.

Anyone who had any doubts as to what Mike's motives were by inviting Vanessa should eat their words after Mike says, "Being stuck in an inner tube with Vanessa is just so much fun! Her boobs are just all up in my business!" Ahh, the old stuck in the inner tube with the cosmetically enhanced girl trick. Works every time.

Now Mike and Vanessa are in a shower. Jisela, still taping, tries to coax Vanessa to take her top off. Amazingly, Rachel enters the shower too. Now all of a sudden Rachel is down on Jisela for being there, throwing around words like, "invasion," and "pushing." Jisela asks all of them to strip and Vanessa says, "Only if Mike takes his pants off." Umm, nice double dare Marc Summers. Do you realize who we're dealing with here? Rachel's traumatized and gets out, bikini top still tied tight. Why she got in the shower in the first place is anyone's guess. I don't care how dirty you are, you get in a shower with Mike you're just asking for trouble.

Nicole is whining again. "I definitely want to talk to Bobby about our relationship. I can't wait around forever." Bobby spews some crap about, "Not wanting to let her down" (see: date other chicks). Nicole, not even making eye contact, says, "So, could you see us being boyfriend and girlfriend?" Bobby responds encouragingly with, "Yeah, anything is possible."

Jisela finally puts the damn camera down (to hook up with a fine young fox no doubt) and Malik picks it up. What follows is like a subplot from a bad sitcom. Malik watches footage Jisela shot where her narration disses both Kevin and Malik. Kevin deems her, "bipolar." Mike's in disbelief. Coral's all, the proof is in the pudding. Coral then continues to give Jisela a taste of her own medicine by calling Jisela out on camera. Well, technically they are always on camera so she double camera's her I guess, and as we all well know, that's like, totally the worst diss of all! Coral says, "Get off the ho train ok, cause you're the only one on it." The guys eat this up, even though it really doesn't make much sense. Coral then finishes up with, "once again, she's been booted off." Now, THAT'S a good come back. See! I knew you could do it!

Coral decides the camera bitch out wasn't enough and so she decides to confront Jisela face to face. For the first time this season I'm picking up what Coral is putting down. She says, "Speaking as somebody who loves those guys like brothers, talking about them on tape isn't exactly the coolest thing ever." Jisela tries to dismiss it all as a joke when Coral interjects by saying, "It wasn't a joke to them. Especially to Malik because he cares about you and before you got here all he could talk about was you...so, to see you say something about him behind his back hurts him and if it hurts him, it hurts me." YOU GO GIRL!

So, Jisela (begrudgingly) gets up to apologize to the boys. Adam is sitting there too so I'm not quite clear if she dissed him as well and his diss just didn't make the cut or what. Jisela says she's sorry even if she was only joking. She tells them, "I don't care that you've seen it, you can rewind it ten times in a day and twice on Sunday." I'm really liking that one but then I realize it came out of Jisela's mouth. Kevin calls her "low class" and "disrespectful." Jisela comes back with, "You didn't get my joke, and we have a difference of opinion so that's fine."

Jisela and Malik are alone now. She tries to sugar coat things even more but Malik ain't having none of that. Even as Malik is pouring his heart out to Jisela we see her looking all over, anywhere but at him. Jisela admits, "I feel really bad but the problem is I don't feel him in the same sense he likes me. I tried to convince myself but the truth of the matter is I can't be attracted to him." Well, obviously you can be attracted to him. To borrow a Jisela phrase you once would talk to him, "ten times in a day and twice on Sunday." The word here isn't attraction. Devotion maybe, commitment perhaps but you have no right to turn all, Robert "I didn't mean to turn you on" Palmer.

Jisela and Malik are back at the room and Malik takes the high road and ends it on a hug. Jisela says, "I'm sorry that you had to take my junk." Malik comes back with, "I'm sorry that I had to take your junk too." So Malik does have SOMEWHAT of a backbone after all! Malik doesn't know what will happen in the long run between him and Jisela (you mean there's still hope?!) but it looks like they are gonna try and be "friends."

Nicole is crying, though it's not clear why. We all know better by now though not to question, it's definitely Bobby related. Next thing we see Nicole admitting, "I'm willing to share my body with him if he wanted it." Hold up there Nicole, it ain't like you're splitting a pudding pack at recess.

Either way that's exactly what happens next. We hear moans and cries and thumps galore. As if the private moment weren't interrupted enough by the 24/7 camera crew, the rest of the house has gotten wind of the activity and decides to linger a bit at the door to confirm. After getting what they came to hear, the crew heads back to the kitchen to toast to Nicole and Bobby, but mainly Nicole since anyone who has come within five feet of the girl knows this is what she's wanted forever. I bet you all thought that it was gonna be Mike and Vanessa who did the dirty deed. I guess technically they could have too, but Nicole and Bobby's union overshadowed that moment if it ever happened.

Kevin announces, "Nicole told me she hasn't had any in about four years, it's about time she get some." Coral states that she had bet Nicole twenty bucks that she would have sex in the next year and now she's happy because she won.

The next morning we get a close up shot of the condom rapper on the floor, for anyone apparently who didn't get the fact that Bobby and Nicole did indeed do the wild thing. For some reason Nicole, instead of picking up the wrapper like a lady, kicks it under the bed. Eww! You aren't even at your own house (which technically isn't your house either) AND you are on camera. Would it be too much to ask to throw the damn thing away?

Nicole voiceovers, "I gave Robby something I don't give people and I trust him." Here's my question, why after finally having sex, does Nicole suddenly call Bobby, Robby? Does she see him as more of a man now or what? After repeatedly having sex with him will she eventually segue into calling him Rob, and one day, God willing, Robert?

The group gathers outside for a picture. Suddenly this has all become very 90210 reunion special for me. On the bus ride home Malik says he feels this weekend made the housemates grow closer. At home, Coral is busting on Nicole who won't officially admit she consummated her relationship with the big B. Nicole admits she's embarrassed. Coral says, "She's trying to pull a Bill Clinton." Nicole finally gives Coral a twenty, but she says it's only so she hears no more sex jokes. "This is no way an admission of my guilt," declares Nicole. Coral shouts back, "You know what it's an admission of, that you HAD SEX!" And with it, thus ends the sex, lies and videotape.

Janet Branagan is a freelance writer and pop culture lover from New Jersey.

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